Relativity
by Chopstickman
Summary: Ever have that one cousin you never really got along with? The one that alway made you think of the 'oil mixing with water' saying? Guess who comes to visit a certain Mew Mew... IchigoxMasaya ZakuroxMinto
1. Chapter 1

Relativity

Disclaimer: I wonder what would happen if I left this blank...

The setting for this story: based entirely on the anime, post fight with Deep Blue and before all the plants were dealt with

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Here he was. Walking along the remains of the street.

'_What the hell happened to this place anyway? Looks like weeds tried to take over the city'_

Momomiya Toshiro continued on his way. He had to meet with his new employer before he could drop by his relative's place. A sudden crash followed by an inhuman shriek caught his attention. A cruel smirk appeared on his face.

'_Well now, I guess I get to have some fun first'_

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The Tokyo Mew Mews rushed over to the scene of the attack. Attacks like this had been happening recently; left over chimera anima leaking out of the oversized plants that still covered the city. Once arriving at their destination Mew Ichigo let out her battle cry.

"Chikyuu no mirai ni, gohoushi suru nyan!"

"Why don't we say 'Mew Mew style, Mew Mew grace, Mew Mew power in your face' na no da?"

The neko-fied leader turned to her youngest ally.

"This is not the time to get into that Mew Purin!"

"But why na no da? Purin wants to say a cool battle phrase too na no da!"

Ignoring the witty repartee the chimera animal charged the Mews. The mutated centipede separated them as the Mews expertly dodged its attack. They regrouped and prepared to attack. Toshiro acted first by holding his hand over his head.

"Ignoring me in the middle of a fight? That's just rude"

Electricity gathered around his hand, pulsating and giving off an angry buzz. Laughing manically Toshiro swung his hand down, sending a bolt of lightning through the hapless anima. Masha dutifully gathered up the defeated chimera and the centipede scuttled off.

"Ahhh. Well that was fun"

The Mews look at him warily. Toshiro casually walked up to them.

"And who might you five be? Some local heroines, perhaps?"

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Masaya dashed off to where Ichigo was. He felt danger and suddenly became the Blue Knight once again. Instinctively knowing to seek out and protect the love of his life he arrived at the scene in time to see the Mews looking scared in front of the black-clad and masked Toshiro. Acting quickly he landed between them and slashed across Toshiro's face. Toshiro's head snapped to the side.

"Tch. That hurt. You have a good reason for doing that? Or do I get my turn now?"

No one could answer the stranger; they couldn't believe his face didn't have a scratch. Fed up with the shocked expressions Toshiro felled the Blue knight with a single knee strike to the stomach. He flew back into a tree.

"Aoyama-kun!"

"Ah, naruhodo. He's your boyfriend. I didn't damage him too much so don't get all weepy on me"

"How dare you attack him like that! Strawberry Bell!"

Summoning her weapon Mew Ichigo stepped between Toshiro and the Blue Knight. Toshiro was unimpressed.

"Don't waste your life"

"I won't let you hurt him"

"Kuso. I didn't come here to do that. He hit me first; it was self defense!"

"Nyan? Wait, you aren't trying to trick me, are you?"

"No. I'm not. However… why-what are you trying to accomplish by asking me that?"

Mew Ichigo tried to think of something to say. Toshiro just stood there with a raised eyebrow. The Blue knight stood back up. Mew Ichigo rushed over to his side, ignoring the rather annoyed Toshiro. He crossed his arms and drummed his fingers.

"I'm waiting. Or have you figured out that I have no intention of continuing our pointless fight?"

Zakuro was bored. This guy apparently wasn't going to fight them; it looked more like he was as bored as she was. Keeping her face expressionless she reached over toward Minto. She cupping her hand on Minto's bottom she began rubbing slowly. Minto froze. She knew the only one next to her was none other than Mew Zakuro.

'_Onee-sama… Onee-sama is…'_

Minto jerkily turned to look at Mew Zakuro. For her part the wolfish girl smirked at the quickly reddening Minto. Sensing that it was a good idea, Zakuro pulled the shorter girl's hip closer to her own.

'_She IS coming on to m_e!'

Mew Zakuro chuckled as Minto passed out, lost in ecstasy; a goofy smile on her face. Mew Purin and Mew Retasu were too busy watching Mew Ichigo and Toshiro argue to notice.

"You jerk! You say that but I know you're plotting something!"

"Oh please. Like I would waste my time on you! Even if I am a retired villain, I have some pride"

"As if! You just like fighting girls don't you! Pervert!"

"I'm no hentai! And you're too young for me anyway!"

"Oi! I am so old enough!"

"Oh? Then what about your boyfriend?"

"Ack! Aoyama-kun! I didn't mean it! He tricked me!"

Toshiro narrowed his eyes.

'_She's so familiar… it couldn't be her, could it?'_

"Itchy-chan?"

"Don't call me that Toshiro no baka!!"

"I knew it! It is you!"

Mew Ichigo stomped her foot and pointed at him. An angry look crossed her features.

"Toshiro-itoko! You big jerk when did you get here?"

"I just got here. Since when are you a mahou shoujo?"

"Oi! Why're you a bad guy!"

"I'm retired, itoko"

"Yeah so?"

"Nevermind. I have to go check in with my new boss. I'll see you later"

Toshiro teleported away. Mew Ichigo turned to the other Mews.

"Gomen mina-san. That was just my itoko, Toshiro"

Ichigo eyes wandered over to Minto and Zakuro.

"What the hell did you do to her Zakuro!!"

Mew Zakuro innocently looked down to where Minto's unconscious body lay against her. With a face still free of visible emotion she replied.

"Nothing much"

"Did Zakuro-onee-chan molest Minto-onee-chan na no da?"

Before Mew Purin could continue Mew Retasu clamped a hand over her eyes. It was then decided that they would just leave for Café Mew Mew.

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Once inside the Café and in their waitress uniforms the Mews went about taking care of the customers. Minto was still out cold, so they just sat her at her table. After awhile the doors opened. Retasu was closest so she answered it.

"Irasshaimase. Can I show you to a table-eep!"

It was Toshiro. He had abandoned the all black outfit in favor of a dark blue tailed jacket with matching slacks; the classic butler's uniform.

"I'm here looking for Aizawa Minto. Is she in?"

Retasu fumbled about, bumping into Ichigo.

"Ah! Gomen nasai Ichigo-san!"

"Retasu what's going-Toshiro! Why are you here?"

Toshiro straightened his tie.

"I came here to find Aizawa Minto. If the outfit wasn't a clue, I'm her new kajuu"

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Toshiro sighed. After promising to explain himself once Minto had awoken, he was left to stand behind Minto; who was still sleeping. She had begun to drool a little, which of course he dutifully wiped off. Most of the girls at the café snickered at him. Close to closing time Minto stirred. She stretched and yawned.

"Glad to see you wake Ojou-sama"

"Hm? Oh, yes. I'll be-nani? I don't have servants to come wake be up!"

Minto turned quickly to see who had spoken her.

"Is there anything you require, Ojou-sama?"

"Who are you? Why are you calling me that?"

"I am Momomiya Toshiro. I have been hired by your parents to serve you"

That said Toshiro bowed deeply to Minto. To her credit Minto adapted quickly.

"I see. Very well then. Do go and get me more tea, will you?"

"Would you like cream or sugar with that?"

"Cream"

"As you wish, Ojou-sama"

Toshiro left to fetch Minto her tea. She smiled.

"I could get used to this"

"Don't you already live with this everyday?"

Minto turned to Ichigo, smiling haughtily and waving her finger.

"Oh Ichigo you simple girl. My Oni-sama has personal servants, not me. You have stayed over at my house before so you should know that much at least"

Ichigo bristled at Minto. Retasu gently tried to calm her down.

"Maa maa, Ichigo-san. You know Minto-san is always like this"

"Purin says you should smile na no da!"

Toshiro returned with Minto's tea and poured it for her. He held up the cream.

"Shall I pour your cream, Ojou-sama?"

"Yes, of course you may"

Toshiro poured until Minto motioned for him to stop. Zakuro sat down across from her.

"Do I get one as well?"

"Certainly Onee-sama. Toshiro?"

"At once Ojou-sama"

Toshiro dutifully poured tea for Zakuro. Ichigo looked like a volcano erupted from the top of her head.

"Hold it right there Toshiro! How can you be so complacent! You were never like this when we were kids!"

"You never paid me"

Ichigo sputtered, her argument cut short. Toshiro smirked.

"Then again, it was always far too much fun teasing you. So, do you still bat at feathers dangled from a string?"

"Toshiro-teme!! I bet you're still are scared of dogs!"

Ichigo laughed arrogantly, thinking she had her cousin beat. Toshiro ground his teeth as tic marks appeared on his head.

"I'm not scared of dogs, they just hate me. And I hate them back"

Minto looked shocked.

"What about Mikki?"

"Relax Ojou-sama, Mikki just tries to bite me. There is no problem"

"But..Mikki bit you? He's never bitten anyone before!"

"Then it pleases me to be the first"

Minto narrowed her eyes at Toshiro.

"You're lying, aren't you?"

"Yes. But aside from Mikki's ineffective bites there is no problem. He gets bored quickly and lets go easily"

"Well I-"

Minto froze as she felt something brush against her leg. Zakuro continued to rub her foot up and down Minto's shin. A fully reddened Minto looked at her tablemate, who winked at her. Minto furiously tried to control her heart rate.

"Ojou-sama?"

"Huh? What? D-don't sneak up on me like that!"

"You are turning red, Ojou-sama. Is there any problem?"

"What? No! I'm not!"

Toshiro noted the look on Minto's and more importantly Zakuro's face.

'_Like the cat who ate the canary, or in this case the wolf who ate the lorikeet'_

He looked over to Minto, now being questioned by Purin, and decided not to pursue the matter further. Minto huffed and refused to answer any of Purin's questions while Ichigo scolded her for being mean to Purin. Shirogane broke the mood.

"You said earlier that you would answer some questions. Now is an ideal time"

True enough, the last customer had left awhile ago. Toshiro shrugged.

"I guess you're right. I suppose you have all figured out why I'm here-"

"Hurry up. How did you get hit with a sword and not cut? Where does that power of yours come from?"

Toshiro leveled his eyes at Shirogane.

"Fine. Like the okama wants-"

"Oi!"

The Mews and Keiichiro shared a laugh at Toshiro's description of Shirogane. Toshiro continued while Shirogane glared daggers at him.

"As I was saying the reason behind be not getting cut is the tattoo on my back. When I went to India I found a city where the Buddhist monks seal spirits into people by tattooing them. The effect of the tattoo grants the bearer invulnerability to blades and bullets. The spirit sealed within me is a snake"

"But why would you do that na no da?"

"Eh, I felt like it"

Stunned slightly by his blunt statement Purin couldn't respond. Shirogane could and did.

"Then why can you use lightning?"

"Oh come now, did you really think that you were the only ones with superhuman powers at your disposal? This is a wide wide world; and there have been many that came before you"

Shirogane glared at the butler.

"That doesn't explain-"

"Anyone other than the uke have a question?"

Unable to take anymore Ichigo feel down, laughing her head off. Minto and Zakuro giggled in a more sedated way while Retasu blushed and Purin looked confused.

"Purin wants to know what an 'uke' is na no da!"

Toshiro chuckled as he answered.

"That's what you ca-"

"ENOUGH! Look you. You better start cooperating or else I'll-"

"You'll what? You don't have anywhere near the power necessary to take me down"

The atmosphere in the café suddenly shifted. The hair on the back of everyones' necks stood up. Toshiro directed his gaze to Shirogane's eyes. He smirked cruelly and slowly stepped towards the frightened blonde.

"I've beaten down punks like you for years; ever since junior high school"

Shirogane took a step back.

"And every last one of them sounded just. Like. You. So full of yourself you can't even realize your own short comings"

Toshiro stepped forward at the same time Shirogane stepped back again.

"Aw, are you scared now? Of little old me?"

Toshiro chuckled darkly.

"Toshiro! Yamero!"

"Hai Ojou-sama"

Instantly the threatening atmosphere evaporated. Toshiro returned to Minto's side.

"Forgive me, Ojou-sama. I felt in necessary to let him know who I was"

"Toshiro-itoko. What was that? You were never like that before…"

He turned to his distraught cousin.

"Ichigo. You have nothing to worry about. Being evil was just a hobby. Now that I'm out of high school I don't do that sort of thing anymore. Besides; the only reason I started in the first place is because the so called heroes at my old school were so lame. Somebody had to beat them up"

Toshiro noted the dubious looks he was receiving. He sighed.

"You ever heard of the Manly Men Society of Virtue?"

He got negative answers.

"Then count yourselves lucky. They're worse then DBZ's Ginyu force and Naruto's Maito Gai combined"

Various shoulders shivered.

"Please, do continue Toshiro-san"

Complying with Retasu's request Toshiro sighed.

"Those idiots that go around calling themselves the Manly Men Society of Virtue are a collection of five males; each one uses a different weapon and they all have enchanted armor. The leader, er… actually I never bothered to remember their names. Anyway he has red vaguely samurai armor and wields an okatana. The next two have double weapons; twin hook swords and a katana-wakazashi combo. Their armors are reminiscent of Chinese and Japanese respectively. The last two also have Chinese and Japanese like weapons and armor. One uses a kwandao and the other uses a tetsubo"

Toshiro pulled out a chair and plunked himself down in a discourteous fashion. A scowl crossed his features.

"They never shut up about their manliness and youth and oh so many other infuriating things. They practically demanded to have someone kick their asses. Needless to say I stepped up"

Toshiro chuckled darkly as he recalled all the humiliating defeats he handed to those armor-clad dolts.

"Time and time again I crushed them. It was almost too easy but then… new heroes showed up"

A maniacal gleam glistened in his eyes.

"It was GLORIOUS! Spell casters, mages, magical girls, witches, warriors, fighters-- they all came to battle me. Some even came close enough to victory to inspire more to show up. In the end they all fell to my power, and the name Kurogasa struck terror in to the hearts of men! I even had other villains attack me to try their hand at world domination. Yet I still reign supreme and undefeated!"

Toshiro's maniacal laughter echoed throughout the café. Until a shoe bounced of the side of his head.

"Ichigo, did you just hit me with your shoe?"

"Yes, because you started your 'evil laugh' routine again. That was the only way I could shut you up"

"Nothing like being hit with a shoe to calm your nerves. What a buzz kill"

As Toshiro returned the shoe Zakuro spoke up.

"I take it he's done that before?"

"Every time he gets going with his 'evil laugh' regardless of how it started it's almost impossible to make him stop. My Dad's the same way when he talks about being a sushi chef"

Toshiro bonked Ichigo on the head.

"I'm still here, you know. Anyway, suffice it to say from junior high through to the end of high school was full of various combatants for me and I never lost. The name I adopted was Kurogasa and I wore a mask over my eyes. That chapter of my life is over, I am now Minto-Ojou-sama's kajuu, yadda yadda end of story"

He got more than his fair share of incredulous looks.

"I was never in it for world domination, destruction or enslavement. I just did it so I could beat people up"

"And that's better because?"

As a retort to his cousin's question Toshiro whipped out some string with some feathers attached to the end. He dangled it in front of Ichigo, who promptly began to bat at it. The rest of the people in the café sweat dropped. Realizing what she was doing she stopped.

"Damn it! Don't do that Toshiro-baka!!"

Nihongo no jisho

Chikyuu no mirai ni, gohoushi suru nyan For the future of Earth I'll be of service meow

naruhodo I see

kuso shit

hentai pervert

Onee-sama respected elder sister

gomen/gomen nasai sorry/I'm sorry

itoko cousin (stand alone word or suffix)

mina-san everyone

irasshaimase welcome (said by workers to customers entering a place of business)

kajuu butler

baka idiot

oi hey

teme you (very rude way to address someone)

Ojou-sama what you call a young woman of high status

nani what

yamero stop

okama teapot (slang for a gay person)

uke submissive in a gay relationship


	2. Chapter 2

As of this post, 62 people have read my story! 2.48 times as many that read my last attempt at writing a non-lemon TMM fanfic! Course the complete and utter lack of any feedback is a bit of a bummer.

"Try updating then"

Toshiro? Hey, I do update! But college life is difficult, and English courses where you learn nothing and still have to write research papers about what you learn take up a lot of time.

"You still have no discernable plot; at least in your other fics there is a-"

You get to annoy Ichigo, Masaya dates her, and Minto is molested by Zakuro. There. A plot.

"Thank you, o great and mighty one. With this my life is complete"

"Now wait just a minute! Why are you making Oneesama do those things!"

Come on Minto-chan, you two are a very popular couple, not to mention your canon declaration of love… and you are the only person Zakuro gave a nickname to…

_blush_ "Th-that has nothing to do with it at all! Oneesama is-"

_hugs Minto from behind_ "I'm what Kotori-chan?"

"Eeep! Oneesama!"

_presses breasts into Minto's back_ "Kotori-chan, have you read Chopstickman's After Hours? If not there are a few scenes I'd like to re-enact with you" _licks Minto's ear_

_Minto faints, gets hefted onto Zakuro's shoulder who walks away wagging her tail_

Kawai!! X)

"You're a sick, sick man"

Why? Cause I think yuri is cute?

"Yeah. And what's up with the name? Sounds kinda lame"

It represents the fact that I can use chopsticks with my left hand; the only thing I am ambidextrous with.

"Still lame"

Don't talk back to me or I'll screw you over. I am the author you know.

"True"

"I wish to speak!"

Ah! Masaya! Good of you to join the discussion. What do you wish to say?

"Why do the fans all hate me? They always make me break up with Ichigo! Why? I love her! She's a catgirl and I'm Japanese! What could possibly make me leave her?"

You got a bum rap dude. The authors who do that to you are mindless Kishu or Shirogane fangirls and in all likelyhood just can't handle your archetype.

_depressed_ "But being perfect is all I can do"

Chock it up to them being Americans.

_Toshiro_ "Aren't you an American?"

Yeah. But I'm a guy, not a fangirl. And I can appreciate having an ideal boyfriend archetype being together with the clumsy sincere heroine archetype.

_Toshiro again_ "Just a crazy thought: isn't this going to piss off all the authors and fans you just insulted?"

Well, that was my intention. Oh wait, I should be working on the story instead of the omake, shouldn't I?

_at this point, just guess_ "Ya think?"

Don't make me hurt you.

Nihongo no jisho

Omake funny little side story or rewritten portion of a story

Yuri girl x girl love (yes, I do find this cute, but not in a sexual connotation)

Kotori-chan cute little bird

Kawai cute


	3. Chapter 3

Evening. A time of peace and tranquility.

"TOSHIRO NO BAKA!!"

Except for the Momomiya household and their neighbors.

"Calm down Itchy-chan. All I said was-"

"I heard you the first time!"

Ichigo's mother gave off an exasperated sigh.

"Can't you two behave around one another? Why must you argue over every little thing? Especially you, Toshiro-kun. Aren't you already 18?"

"Hai hai"

She then turned to her daughter.

"And you Ichigo. Were you trying to wake the whole neighborhood?"

"Bu-bu-but he said-"

"I know what he said. But really, the lavender plant he brought-"

"But he told me not to mistake it for catnip!!"

Toshiro was doing his level headed best to keep from laughing too hard.

"Stop that this instant young man. If your mother was here…"

As his wife went into lecture mode Ichigo's father wisely stayed behind his newspaper.

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The next day began bright and early for Aizawa Minto. After Toshiro came to wake her she lazily dressed herself and headed down for breakfast. Much to her delight her brother was also there.

"Onii-sama!"

"Hey there Minto-chan. I hear you have a new personal attendant"

"Yes. You have heard correctly. Toshiro!"

Heeding his employer's order Toshiro teleported to the space immediately behind Minto.

"Hai Ojousama?"

"Wha? How did you do that?"

"I'm quite talented, Goshujinsama"

After a brief, slightly abbreviated explanation from his sister the elder of the Aizawa siblings left for school on an atv. Followed of course by his attendants.

"Ojousama, I understand why we are utilizing less than conventional means of conveyance, but-"

"It was not my intention at all. It was decided for me"

"The oxcart is not the problem. I just want to know why I have to be the ox!"

A small yip and a crunching noise were heard. Toshiro lifted his hand, a small dog dangling from a finger.

"Your dog, Ojousama"

"Mikki! Stop that!"

Mikki immediately released Toshiro's finger and happily bounded around Minto's ankles.

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Ichigo rushed out of her house, determined not to be late. Her friends Moe and Miwa were there to greet her.

"Moe? Miwa? When did you guys get here?"

"We came because our bishie-radar went off"

"Yeah, who was that hot guy that left your house earlier?"

Upon hearing that Ichigo nearly jumped out of her skin.

"No! No no no no no! A thousand times no! He's horrible! A monster! A total jerk and a bully!"

Letting Ichigo catch her breath after her tirade, they pressed again for the name.

"He's my cousin Momomiya Toshiro. He's staying with us while he works as Minto's personal servant"

"Oooo that's so unfair. Having such a hot guy as a servant"

"Yeah I know. Rich girls have all the luck"

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Toshiro was cursing his fate. Was it his fault security didn't believe him when he said he was delivering Aizawa Minto? It was their fault he beat them up. And broke the gate when he kicked it open. He was not to blame at all.

"Toshiro!"

"Hai, Ojousama?"

"Must you be so violent? They were only doing their jobs!"

"A thousand apologies, Ojousama. I won't throw them across the street again"

"See to it that you do. Now hand me my lunch"

Toshiro did as ordered and having completed his duties for now leaves taking the oxcart with him. He drops it off at the Aizawa mansion and then ponders what to do.

'_Damn I'm bored'_

Deciding that pondering is not really what he is in the mood for, Toshiro leaves and meanders around the still-overgrown-weed-infested streets. A random chimera popped out and possessed a dropped stick of half eaten dango, resulting in a new monster ready to terrorize the populous. Toshiro casually grabbed what any given observer would call its neck and pulsed massive amounts of electricity into it. It did not take long for the whole monster, including the anima, to fall away as blackened ash. Shaking off his hand Toshiro continued his ambling.

'_I'm so fricken bored!!'_

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Omake

Toshiro: "Wait a minute! You can't put an omake in the middle of a chapter like this!"

Of course I can. I'm the author.

Toshiro: "Is this just some random way of circumventing your writer's block?"

No. Why would you say that? Gulps nervously.

Toshiro: "Did you just say 'gulps nervously'?"

Must have been your imagination. Now on to the actual omake.

Keiichiro was hard at work. Baking, decorating, mixing, arranging. All for the pleasure of the customers. He was happy with his job; much more so now that his gay little friend didn't need him to babysitwsoeijwoowifj

Shirogane: "Stop typing that crap! I am not gay! Leave me out of your yaoi fanfics!"

Keiichiro: (being choked by Shirogane) "But they're so popular!"

Omake end

Toshiro: "That sucked"

Sue me. I never said it had to be good. Anyway writer's block over, now with the real fic.

Toshiro: "So it was just a-"

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Ichigo was having lunch with her friends. It was a peaceful uneventful day; perfect for just hanging out.

"So Ichigo, how far have you gotten with Aoyama?"

Or watching Ichigo do a spit-take with her soda.

"I hav-we didn- it not lik- I he um"

"I take it not far?"

Moe laughed at Miwa's comment. Miwa apologized for teasing and brought up a different topic.

"Say you guys gonna suggest anything for the cultural festival?"

"I don't know. Last year our class had a big haunted house, but it was kinda lame. We should do something more.. I don't know, different"

"What about you Ichigo? What do you think would be a good idea for our class to do?"

Being put on the spotlight Ichigo thought carefully.

'_Anything where I'm a waitress is out. I get enough of that at work. Maybe a play? Nah, those are too hard to produce unless…' _"We could do a play! We should probably get together with another class to help us though"

"That's a great idea! Oh, there's the bell. Let's hurry and run it by Iinchou"

The girls rush off to their class. In another part of town a new force of evil is unleashed upon the world.

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"Muhahahahaha! Tremble before my might puny mortals! In the name of the great Redaelgniraebrevo, ruler of the Syugdab!"

Looking decidedly uninterested, Toshiro yawned. Checking his watch for the time, he turned to the very tall and muscular individual.

"Well I don't have to be anywhere for awhile. So what's your name?"

"I hail from the Nuu-bs galaxy recently conquered by my masters. My name is Po-nor"

"Pwner of noobs? Seriously? Feh. I would comment, but it's just too easy"

"You make slight of me? Feel my wrath and tremble!"

"I'd rather not, if it's all the same to you"

Dashing inside Po-nor's guard Toshiro knocks him into the air. Pulling out his chain whip and snaps it around Po-nor's leg. Using his new hold Toshiro slams Po-nor into the ground then flings him into a parked car.

"You suck. Try and fight for real this time, okay?"

"The Syugdab will have your head for this!"

"Better idea: fry"

Lightning arcs and lances from Toshiro's hand. Po-nor vaporizes.

"Oh well. They just don't make villains like they used to"

Teleporting away Toshiro ponders whether he should tell the Mews about this new threat.

'_Ah, they'll figure it out sooner or later'_

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"Your proposal has merit. Any particular class you were considering partnering up with?"

Before Ichigo could say anything to the class president Moe and Miwa shouted out an answer.

"It should be class 4-A!"

"Totally! Only 4-A will do!"

"Well, since you two are so emphatic about it I will go speak to the president of that class today"

Satisfied with their work Moe and Miwa gallivanted off leaving Ichigo to chase after them. In case anyone was wondering, 4-A is Aoyama's class. (Or so I, as the author, declare it)

Nihongo no jisho Japanese dictionary

Goshujinsama young master (male version of Gojousama)

Iinchou class president; often in Japan the class president is just referred to as 'class president' instead of their names


	4. Chapter 4

AN: For anyone wondering, a chain whip is a Chinese weapon made of 3 inch long bars with a few links of chain connecting them and a pointed weight at the tip. Typically there are 7 to 9 bars but Toshiro has 13.

"" one person speaking

"""" two people speaking at the same time

Gratuitous girl's locker room scene. Hooray for jailbait fanservice! Although it is a letdown they aren't legal…

"Mou! How could you guys just run off and suggest that!"

Ichigo pulled her shirt over her head and stuffed it into her locker. Her friends behind her were taking off their skirts.

"Calm down Ichigo. We thought you would want to do a romantic play with your one true love acting with you"

"Don't tell us you haven't thought about it!"

Irritated Ichigo roughly pulls down her gym shirt. She started to glare at them but gave up being angry at them.

"You… hmph. So what play did you suggest anyway?"

"Which-"

"play?"

""We forgot to mention that!!""

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Retasu was worried. Ichigo had come in and was listlessly going about her duties; she didn't even complain when Minto ordered her around.

"Ano, Minto-san. Do you see anything … off about Ichigo-san?"

"Yes. It seems rather like that time she was mulling over a lost date opportunity with that Aoyama person"

"Purin will investigate na no da!"

Before Minto and Retasu could stop her, Purin launched herself at Ichigo. Caught unawares the catgirl crashed to the floor, spilling the deserts she was carrying over both of them.

"Purin!"

"I have a question na no da!"

"Did you have to knock me down!"

Ichigo sat up and brushed herself off. Retasu and Minto came closer.

"Ichigo. What's going on? You seem out of it"

"Huh? Oh yeah. It's the bunkasai. My class is working with Aoyama-kun's class and doing a play"

Retasu stopped wiping Purin's face off to ask a question.

"But isn't that a good thing? You could act alongside him in a romantic-"

"But it isn't romantic at all!!"

Flashback

The iinchou stood at the head of Ichigo's class with a special announcement.

"It has been decided that we will work together with class 4-A. The play we will be doing is Alice in Wonderland"

End Flashback

"Oh dear"

"My life is over"

Ichigo's shoulders drooped as she trudged over to get a mop. Retasu wanted to say something to get her friend in better spirits but couldn't think of anything. Minto sighed and went back to her table.

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The next day at school Ichigo was dreading classes ending. Normally it was the other way around but today! Today was a planning session between her class and Aoyama's class. More specifically, the day to choose who does what role.

'_Please don't make me the Cheshire Cat. Please don't make me the Cheshire Cat. Please don't make me the Cheshire Cat'_

"So what role are you after Ichigo?"

"The Cheshire Cat?"

"No I'm not!!"

Some time after classes had ended for the day, class 4-A came in to class 4-D (Ichigo's class). As they filed in they pushed the desks and chairs to the sides so they could all fit. The iinchou of the respective classes set up behind the teachers' desk and Aoyama came and sat down next to Ichigo.

"Hey Ichigo. Exited about doing a play together?"

"I ah yeah!"

Ichigo was flustered and blushed madly as her friends snickered quietly at her. The class representative of 4-D cleared her voice to get everyone's' attention.

"Now on to our first order of business, casting of characters. While the iinchou of class 4-A writes the character openings on the board I ask that you all talk amongst yourselves to see who should get what role. After deciding that we will split up into groups for set construction, costumes, etc."

The classroom broke out into cacophony as discussion ensued. Soon time for voting had arrived.

"First off who should be the main character, Alice?"

Ichigo was nearly bowled over by her friends shouting her name. To Ichigo's shock quite a few other voices also spoke her name, even some from class 4-A, ending with her chosen to be Alice. The next role to be filled was the Mad Hatter, who was almost unanimously voted to be Aoyama.

"I guess we're starring opposite each other Ichigo"

"Yeah! I've never been the main character in a play before, I hope I do okay"

"You'll do fine. I'm sure of it"

The other characters were chosen as well, the Red Queen, the White Rabbit, the March Hare, the Doormouse, the Cheshire Cat and of course, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb; who were going to be played by Moe and Miwa.

"Ok! Looks like all the main characters are chosen. If we work hard this will be the best play of the bunkasai!"

A roar of approval tore through the room, as excitement over the play mounted.

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A large pulsating mass hung over the Earth. Various shadowy figures are visible within.

"So this is Earth"

"That place cost us our latest minion"

"It doesn't look like much"

"I guess we'll just have to see about that"

Booming laughter echoed as the mass rapidly descended towards Japan.

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Keiichiro's emergency alerts lit up his computer screen.

"Ryou! Come look at this!"

"What is it?"

"These readings… we may have a problem"

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Minto was on her way to her ballet lessons. Despite that mornings'… incident with her new personal servant (he kicked a car across the street to get it out of his way) things were mostly uneventful. She was saddened that her practice would keep her away from the café; she so loved getting under Ichigo's skin.

'_And Oneesama was to work tonight too…'_

"We have arrived, Ojousama"

Sadly for Minto her instructors and fellow students had not arrived due to the still problematic plants. Left with no choice Minto began her program alone.

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Today was a good day for Zakuro. Having a photo shoot for a new magazine cover took up most of her time but now she was late enough to miss work at Café Mew Mew but early enough to run into Minto at her ballet class. Chuckling over some of her more racy thoughts Zakuro was confronted with silence as she walked in the studio.

'_Is no one here?'_

Going in further Zakuro noticed that the light was on and noises could be heard from within. With renewed vigor Zakuro headed toward the dance studio proper.

"Ah! It feels so good!"

"I am happy you are enjoying it, Ojousama"

"Mmm! Harder! Ah! Yes!"

Zakuro froze! She could hear Minto's voice crystal clear.

"Don't Ah! forget the other Mmm! one. Ooo!"

At that Zakuro had had enough. She burst in through the partially cracked door.

"What the hell is going on!!"

"Oneesama!"

"Zakuro-dono?"

It was then that Zakuro saw that Minto was seated and fully clothed in her ballet leotard, save her right foot that had the slipper removed. It was that foot Toshiro was massaging. Zakuro blushed brightly in embarrassment, as did Minto. Toshiro just blinked.

"-ach me"

"I'm sorry Zakuro-dono, could you repeat that?"

"Teach me that. The foot thing"

"Why certainly Zakuro-dono. Shiatsu massage is not as difficult to learn as one may think" _'This ought to be fun. Hee hee hee'_

"B-bbut Toshiro! Oneesama is! I-!"

Ignoring Minto's protests Zakuro happily pounced on Minto's now exposed left foot. She then followed Toshiro's instructions and thoroughly enjoyed the effect her ministrations had on the rather vocal Minto.

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The Café had closed for the day and Ryou had gathered the three Mews in attendance in front of Keiichiro's computer screens.

"Bad news. According to our new data something dangerous has come to earth"

"Again?! But I can't deal with aliens now! I have to get ready for the bunkasai!"

Ichigo continued to complain loudly in an attempt to drown out Ryou's nagging. Keiichiro sighed and turned to Retasu and Purin to explain to them that it was still only a possible enemy and to just be careful and look out for any strange occurrences.

Nihongo no Jishio Japanese dictionary

Iinchou class representative/president; presides over class aiding the teacher in handing things out and the like, is the one who tells the class the stand, bow and be seated before each class. This is done to show respect for the teacher

Bunkasai cultural festival; a school wide festival in many high schools but also found in some middle schools in Japan, it is a time that clubs and classes can make game or food stalls like in other Japanese festivals(the ones held at temples) but can also use their classrooms for things like teashops or haunted houses, these bunkasai are attended by people other than those who attend the school including relatives and neighboring schools' students

-dono one step higher than -sama in respectfulness but very old fashioned, this is the suffix samurai used to refer to their lords


	5. Chapter 5

Toshiro's day began as most did. He woke up, got dressed, the usual.

'_Now to wake my dear cousin… heh heh heh I'm _so_ bad'_

Restraining himself from laughter he stole his way into Ichigo's bedroom. As it was still 5:48 in the morning she was lost in blissful sleep. Toshiro decided to aid Ichigo in waking. Knowing how she blindly smacks her alarm clock's snooze button he thought that was the best place to start. After completing his task Toshiro sighed. As much as he wanted to stay, his job called him elsewhere. And he couldn't get away with pranking his employer's daughter. Not that he really minded. 'Helping' Minto's and Zakuro's relationship provided much entertainment.

'_Well in any case, have a fun morning Itchy-chan!'_

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Hearing her alarm ringing Ichigo groped for the snooze button in an irritated fashion. Upon hitting it…

"TOSHIRO!!"

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The weather outside was bright and sunny, barely a cloud in the sky. Birds were singing, people merrily chatted with each other, but one Momomiya Ichigo couldn't care less. A friendly dog came up to her on her walk to school and she hissed at it until it ran. The same almost happened to a small child but Moe and Miwa managed to steer the youngling away.

"Ichigo, what's gotten into you?"

"Yeah, you're usually so nice"

Ichigo's only answer was to grind her teeth. She didn't even register her friends' speculations about her mood. It wasn't until classes had stopped for lunch did Ichigo calm down.

"Damn Toshiro-itoko. He booby-trapped my alarm clock. I reached out and was totally covered with flour! My room's a mess and I almost didn't get it all out of my hair either!"

"He didn't!"

"That's too mean!"

"I'm so gonna get him for this!"

Ichigo angrily plotted her revenge for the remainder of the day. As afternoon classes let out the actors in the room were called together by a student from 4-A.

"Okay people here are your scripts. Don't lose them and make sure you memorize your lines"

Her revenge against her cousin temporarily forgotten Ichigo glazed over the title and opened her book to near the middle. Upon reading the dialogue Ichigo flipped back to the title page. The title was printed in English but Ichigo could read most of it.

A Looking Glass Romance

"Ro-romance!? It's a romantic play?!"

"Well duh. The playwright's the best in the drama club. She won an award not too long ago for her romantic plays"

Sparklies and bubbles surrounded the catgirl; her happiness so overwhelming she could not contain it.

"A romantic play with Aoyama-kun… so happy"

"I feel the same way Ichigo"

Hearing her love's voice shocked Ichigo back into reality

"Eeep! Aoyama-kun?! When did you-"

"Would you like to go to the park and practice our lines?"

"Yeah!!"

With a victorious wave at her friends Ichigo snapped up her school bag and caught Aoyama's arm. He smiled and led Ichigo out the door. Moe and Miwa, though happy for their friend still felt jealous of her.

"Not's just not fair"

"We need boyfriends too"

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Retasu was walking off towards Café Mew Mew. She overheard some boys from another school talking.

"Yeah man it's totally true"

"You sure? In that girly dessert place?"

"You know it. Two of the waitresses there are lesbians, seriously!"

"They don't like, do stuff on shift do they?"

"How else did this get out? Somebody had to have seen something"

"Should we go? I mean, it is just a desert place"

"If they're hot I'm goin'"

Retasu scurried off before she could hear more. That talk was rather embarrassing to listen to, even more so due to Zakuro's recent attitude towards Minto.

'_Oh wait, were they talking about Café Mew Mew!?'_

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Things were quite different today. As of late there had been more male customers coming to the café, but right now at least a full third of the space occupied was taken up by senior and junior high schoolers that were all guys. Retasu couldn't help but remember the conversation she unintentionally eavesdropped on. The comments circulating the room didn't help matters either.

"Hey. You think it's that one?"

"Nah, the one over there"

"Woah, they're cute"

Ichigo was off from work and back at her school practicing for her play, so Minto was actually doing her job. She desperately tried to ignore the hushed whispers and curious glances. Purin was completely unaffected and if Zakuro was she didn't show it.

"Hey check it out! Those two, they're totally red-faced"

"Must be them. Just look-hey they heard us!"

"So? We're here for a show right?"

"Which do you think is the one on top?"

That was the last straw. Zakuro angrily slammed down the tray she was carrying and cleared her throat, getting the attention of the café's patrons.

"If any of you came here in the off chance you'll see me grab Kotori-chan, throw her on a table, rip her clothes off, tie her up in her own apron, make her have multiple orgasms, then force her to drink her own juices you have the wrong idea"

All eyes were bugging out as Zakuro turned to go back to the kitchen. But before she arrived she tossed one more comment over her shoulder.

"We only do that in private"

The deafening silence burst into cacophony. Most if not all the males present had nosebleeds and Minto passed out as the female clientele were all atwitter gossiping about what they had just heard. Retasu looked back and forth from the café floor to the kitchen completely distraught over what to do. To escape Purin had leapt onto the chandelier. It was in that moment of chaos the Ryou decided to return.

"What the hell happened in here!!"

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After the customers had gone and the mess cleaned up it was time for the Mews to go their separate ways. But without warning Zakuro scooped up Minto and slung the bird girl over her shoulder.

"Oneesama! Wait! What are you doing!"

"I wasn't raised to be a liar"

Minto reddened instantly, Retasu and Purin stood there in shock. Toshiro cleared his throat to catch Zakuro's attention. Thinking he was trying to interfere she glared at him.

"Terribly sorry but Goshujinsama wishes to dine with Ojousama tonight. Therefore I must insist you return Ojousama to me"

"Not going to happen"

"I never said Ojousama couldn't invite you to come along. I'm sure Goshujinsama wouldn't mind meeting his sister's friends"

Smirking Zakuro got inside the ox cart without protest. Ignoring what the very embarrassed Minto was saying Toshiro then began to walk the cart back to the Aizawa residence.


	6. Chapter 6

At the Aizawa residence Seiji awaited the return of his sister. She was due back any minute now. He was happy; with things as they were it left him with more time to spend with Minto. Hearing the servants announce her return Seiji went to the front door to welcome his sister home.

"Oneesama! It's embarrassing! Put me down!"

Seiji was dumfounded by the sight of Minto slung over the shoulder of a taller girl with purple hair.

"Ano…okaerinasai"

"O-o-oniisama! Put me down Oneesama!!"

"Aw, but I like carrying you around"

Toshiro bowed to Seiji and wordlessly lead Zakuro to Minto's room. He returned to Seiji, who was still frozen in disbelief.

"Goshujinsama, I apologize for our somewhat… odd entrance. Zakuro-dono wished to accompany Ojousama to dinner"

"So, wait. Who was that, exactly?"

"Fujiwara Zakuro. She is a fellow employee at Café Mew Mew and also works as a model. She and Ojousama are quite close"

"I…I gathered that. I believe I shall go wait for dinner to begin. The cooks say it will only be a short while"

Seiji walked off to his room and Toshiro reported to Minto the she didn't have enough time to let Zakuro to have her fun before dinner.

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Some time later a still embarrassed Minto sat down at the table next to Zakuro; opposite her brother.

"So, you are Fujiwara Zakuro? How did you and Imoto-chan meet?"

"It was through work at the café. It took awhile, but I warmed up to her"

"I see. So Imoto-chan, how have you been coping with the trek to school?"

Minto was glad to get the topic off of Zakuro, and hopefully no longer steering toward their relationship.

"It hasn't been too bad. Toshiro is still…has his peculiarities"

"I feel vaguely insulted by that, Ojousama"

"Eeeep! Stop doing that!"

Seiji and Zakuro shared a laugh.

"Well if nothing else it is nice to meet Imoto-chan's special friend"

"On-oniisama! W-what d-do mean? Oneesama and I are j-just-"

"Imoto-chan, we all know that you…are hitting for the other team"

Minto who was blushing at her brother's insinuation, now paled.

"Wha-yo-you don't mean our parents…"

"Yes, he does, Ojousama. In fact that was one of the reasons I was hired"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not one to brag, but I am rather good looking. It was their hope that I would be able to attract you back into liking men"

"Huh? But? I-"

"Well, that was never explicitly stated as part of my contract so I had no reason to follow that directive as my primary function was to be your bodyguard"

"My bodyguard? Wait, you said you were my personal attendant"

"That is true, but due to your… special activities your parents-"

"Th-they know about-!!"

"Heh. Why else would they hire a monstrously powerful person like me? I assure you it wasn't to- "

A small crunching noise interrupted Toshiro. An angry tic mark pulsed on his forehead as he again held up his hand, dog dangling from a finger.

"-to be Mikki's chew toy"

"Mikki! Stop that!"

Seiji and Zakuro laughed at the sight of Mikki happily bounding around Minto's chair, tail wagging without a care. Minto was stuck trying to both chide Mikki and get Toshiro to stop hissing at him.

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At the other corner of the galaxy the three aliens Kishu, Pai and Taruto were talking amongst themselves.

"It's great we've found a new planet for us all to live on and all but-"

"No Pai for yoooou! Only Pai for meeeeeeee!"

"WTF is up with those damn toads?!"

As Kishu seethed Taruto pointed at a signpost.

"What's this say?"

"I don't know already!"

As Pai danced around wearing his pants on his head Taruto puzzled at the sign. On it was written: Warning Do Not Lick Toads. In, of course, a language he couldn't read.

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Omake

Oh that was fun. The aliens on a planet full of LSD secreting toads. I am such a bastard. Bwahahahahahaha!

"Yo, your authorship! When are you gonna be serious about this?"

This what?

"The story stupid"

Never! There is nothing even remotely serious to this story! Therein lies its genius. It is not meant to be serious.

"You're a fricken psycho, you know that?"

I take offense to that. Psychotics have lost touch with reality; I'm just neurotic. There's a difference. I still am firmly grounded in reality and am not constantly leaving it nor am I on any medication.

"So you're just a nutjob?"

I'm going to hurt you now. Toshiro, unable to stop himself began shoving his finger up his nose.

"OW! You bastard! I'll-"

He then put it in his mouth to wet it and placed it in his ear.

"Ah dammit! I'll kill you! You sick son of a b-"

Well I think that was enough. Back to the story!

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Ichigo skipped home on cloud nine. Admittedly it was probably easier to walk, but she was just too happy. Masaya, who's arm she was currently latched onto, didn't mind her exuberance.

"So Ichigo, since the play is so important we should spend more time together practicing"

"Sure! We can make out in the- AH! I mean practice at the library. Yeah practice"

Masay chuckled and pulled Ichigo closer.

"If my little Ichigo wanted me to kiss her, she only had to ask"

"Ah-um-well-I-"

Masaya silenced her by taking her lips. The catgirl giggled then wrapped her arms around her boyfriend's neck and leaned into him. Sadly their pleasant little moment was ruined by the unearthly howl indicative of an imminent threat to the planet. Ichigo pulled away from Masaya with a curse.

"Do they have to do this now!?"

"We'll finish later"

"Mew Mew Metamorphosis!"

The transformation complete Mew Ichigo and the Blue Knight race off to face the newest threat.

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Speaking of said threat it … walked into a telephone pole. It then snapped back up and readjusted his glasses.

"How dare you attack me! The mighty Todidnilb! Have at you!"

Todidnilb smashed the offending pole, just as our two heroes arrived.

"Chikyuu no mirai ni, gohoushi suru nyan!"

"Huh? Who said that?"

"I did, and Mew Ichigo will-"

The glasses clad conqueror pointed far to the left Mew Ichigo and the Blue Knight.

"There you are! Now pay for your insolence!"

Powerful energies erupt from Todinilb's eyes, obliterating a defenseless parking meter. Mew Ichigo sweatdropped.

"Ano.. I'm over here"

"Nani? How skillful of you to move swiftly! You may prove to be a worthy foe!"

Fed up with this new enemy the Blue Knight rushed the blind fool and slashed at him with his sword. Todidnilb was sent reeling. Mew Ichigo followed up with her Strawberry bell.

"Ribbon Strawberry Check!"

It was by shear luck that Todidnlib managed to survive the blast.

"You may have won the day this time, but the Syugdab will return! Prepare yourself!"

Todidnilb teleported away. Mew Ichigo huffed. She was irritated at having her time with Masaya interrupted and the fact the bad guy got away. Her bad mood evaporated when the Blur Knight draped his arms around her shoulders. He whispered gently into her ear.

"Why don't we go back and finish what we started earlier?"

Mew Ichigo giggled and bounded off in the direction of her home. She turned to the Blue Knight with a flirty wink over her shoulder.

"You have to catch me first!"

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okaerinasai – said by people to welcome someone home, usually the returning person(s) say tadaima first; often these two words are translated as 'I'm home' and 'Welcome back' (don't quote me on the spelling)


	7. Chapter 7

A bright new day dawned for Minto. All awkwardness from last night's meal forgotten, she lazily stretched and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

"Sleep well, Kotori-chan?"

"Yes I-eek! Oneesama!? W-when did you get in here?"

"Aw, you were much friendlier when you were asleep"

"Bu-I-yo-ah-"

A knock on the door broke Minto from her thoughts.

"Ojousama, if Zakuro-dono has not done so already, it is time to wake up"

Toshiro heard an exasperated huff he assumed was from Zakuro and some frantic scrambling; most likely Minto.

'_Just another typical boring day. I wonder if anything fun will happen. Maybe I'll luck out and someone strong will come for a fight'_

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Ichigo was all smiles as she sat in the classroom between classes. Today was the first partial dress rehearsal; that group working on the costumes had finished the main cast and now just had the supporting characters' costumes to finish. Thoughts of her boyfriend admiring her in her costume while looking handsome in his. Moe and Miwa shared a look and took positions on either side of Ichigo.

"Well aren't you happy today"

"Could it have something to do with a certain costume some is wearing?"

Seeing their friend not react they tried something different.

"Hey look! It's Aoyama!"

"Doko doko?"

Her friends snickering alerted Ichigo to the fact she had been tricked.

"Stop doing that!"

Moe and Miwa laughed a bit.

"Oh come on Ichigo. You need to stop fantasizing about your boyfriend"

"We need to get through classes first"

Ichigo fumed as the bell rang signaling the start of class.

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After school Ichigo practically skipped over to Masaya's classroom, as that was where the costumes were.

"Aoyama-kun!"

Merrily throwing open the door Ichigo caught an eyeful of shirtless Masaya. Her resultant nosebleed and loss of consciousness lead to her waking up in the nurse's office.

"Huh? When'd I get here?"

"Ichigo! Are you alright?"

"Hiii! Aoyama-kun?! I ah wha"

"The boys were changing into our costumes; the girls should have been outside waiting for you"

"Heh heh heh I guess I was a little too enthusiastic then heh heh"

"So, see anything you like?"

The nurse loudly cleared her throat, letting the two know she was still there. The very embarrassed pair then returned to the classroom.

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Purin and Retasu met up on their way to Café Mew Mew. The screams of the residents alerted them to impending danger. They transformed and leapt to battle. As they arrived they saw the enemy; a hulking brute of massive girth.

"Mew Purin's here to ukki ukki you for your actions! Na no da!"

"Ano, Mew Purin? Was that really necessary?"

"Of course! It's Mew Purin's new battle call na no da!"

"But it's… never mind"

The two Mews returned their attention on their enemy, who was sitting in a store window shoving bread into his mouth.

"You! Stop eating and fight na no da!"

"Stop? But the bread's so good"

"Ribbon Pudding Ring Inferno!"

"Pudding!"

Tafoot launched his considerable bulk at the yellow weapon, getting trapped within it. Mew Retasu breathed a sigh of relief as Mew Purin did a victory dance. A loud burp drew their attention back to their rotund adversary.

"Yum. I like it. I want more pudding!"

"Ribbon Lettuce Rush!!"

Tafoot guzzled down the watery blast. A panicked look crossed the two Mew's faces.

"Water to cleanse to palate. Now for the next course!"

The Mews leapt out of the way of Tafoot's charge. Purin again trapped him in pudding.

"What are we going to do na no da?"

"I don't- wait! We could use this!"

After Tafoot extricated himself he turned around looking for the Mews.

"Here I am!"

Tafoot spun to meet Mew Retasu, Mew Purin shoved a tire in his mouth. Tafoot reeled, giving the Mews the chance to blast him broadside. The tubby alien rolled to a stop and spat out the tire.

"Bleh! That's a bad doughnut! I'm leaving! So there!"

Tafoot teleported away. The Mews then dashed off to the café as Shirogane was sure to be pissed they were late.

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Sure enough Ryou was angry, but not at Retasu or Purin. He was more irritated by something completely different.

"Come on, don't be so uptight. You might like it"

"For the last time I'M NOT GAY!!"

Word had spread about Zakuro's admission the previous day, and some number of the customers to the café so far had been of a particular segment of society, much to Shirogane's consternation. Zakuro just found herself with more fans than she already had, and Minto just stayed in her chair and blushed harder every time Zakuro came near. Not that she was alone.

"She's so brave; admitting her love to the world"

"She's so incredible. I can only hope I find someone even half as wonderful"

"You're so lucky she chose you. Any girl in here would do anything to have the Fujiwara Zakuro as a lover"

"Really, that's so flattering of you to say. Oneesama truly is special. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world"

Yep, Minto had found herself surrounded by fellow Zakuro fans. They even had photo books, magazines and other items with them which Zakuro happily autographed(provided they had nothing against Minto). Mostly they just gushed about their idol and sipped tea.

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Ichigo sighed. Although it was fun to do the play the seemingly endless repetitions she and everyone else today endured were quite tiring. Even Aoyama showed signs of fatigue.

"With all that practicing we might not make it to the bunkasai"

"It's not that bad Ichigo. Just think of all the people who will come and enjoy our performance; I'm sure you'll find that when you do things will be easier"

Ichigo giggled and hugged Aoyama's arm tightly.

"I love you"

"I love you too"

As the boy leaned closer Masha popped off Ichigo's cell phone.

"Supah love love powah!"

"Darnit Masha! You ruined the atmosphere!"

It was Aoyama's turn to sigh as his girlfriend swatted at the fluffy pink alien finder thingy. He honestly had no clue what it was.

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doko – where

ukki – sound a monkey makes


	8. Chapter 8

And so the day of the bunkasai drew ever closer. The face of the school changed considerably; booths, stalls, banners, costumes, all manner of things once sparsely dotted around now dominated the scene. Soon the day had arrived. Ichigo snuggled into Masaya's shoulder.

"Can you believe it?"

"No. Just yesterday it seemed that half this stuff wasn't put up; but now it's all in place"

"Our parents are both going to be attending our play"

"Ichigo, are you suggesting that we introduce our families? That usually precedes an omiai"

The flustered girl tried to hide her blushing face. Masaya laughed softly then tilted her chin up.

"I think it would be great for our parents to meet each other. Shall we arrange it for after the performance?"

"Masaya…"

"Oi, lovebirds! Save it till yer off school property!"

The teens balk at the gruff teacher's remark and quickly scamper off to the gym. There they aided with the final preparations to the sets.

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Toshiro strode around with a smirk on his face. The last time he was at a bunkasai a rift in spacetime tore open a gateway to another dimension and an invasion took place.

'_Ah, memories. That was such a fun day. Too bad those four-armed guys never came back to play. Ripping out their leader's spine must have spooked them'_

"I am sure seeing Ichigo's performance will be quite entertaining. Attending this bunkasai was a wonderful suggestion"

"I am glad you think so Ojousama"

The pair meandered amongst the booths until the play was to start. When the appointed time came they filed into the auditorium along with the other theater goers. Once all had been seated the narrator stepped up welcoming the crowd.

"And now classes 4-A and 4-C proudly present to you, The Looking Glass Romance"

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The story begins with young Ichigo… er Alice skipping along a small brook. She paused to rearrange her blue dress.

"It is such a pretty day"

"Seems that way" "Yes it does"

Alice gasped. She turned to see two identically dressed girls around her age.

"Oh. I did not know anyone else was here. My name is Alice. What are your names?"

"She is Tweedle Dee" "She is Tweedle Dumb"

"I see. Are you out enjoying this day as much as I?"

"We are here on a task" "A task of great import"

Before Alice could reply the odd pair swarmed about her, scrutinizing gazes cast everywhere.

"Do you think she is fit?" "She is the best we have seen so far"

"Um, pardon me but-"

"She might not wish to take part" "But that is not truly up to her"

"Excuse me-"

"So we are decided then" "That we are"

"Hey! What are the two of you talking about?"

"It is very simple" "Just look into the mirror"

The pair pointed behind the confused Alice. The girl in question jumped as she saw the mirror, it certainly wasn't there before. Alice puzzled over how such a large mirror could suddenly appear when her reflection smirked. Alice stepped back in surprise but not far enough to stop her reflection from reaching out and pulling her through. Alice felt the world go black. When she awoke she fearfully cast her eyes around. She couldn't see anything.

"W-where am I? What happened?"

"You don't need to be so scared, there is no danger here"

Alice turned to the voice and saw a large toothy grin, hanging in midair

"Are you sure? How do I know I can trust you?"

"Because I'm harmless; just being friendly really"

"Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb; they were talking to me and then this mirror…"

"Of course there are some real dangers elsewhere. But we aren't there are we?"

"But where are we?"

"Here, naturally"

"Where is here?"

"Obviously not there"

Alice turned away from the floating smile in a huff.

"Are you here to help me or not?"

"That depends on if you can help yourself"

"What does that mea-"

A sudden rush of wind interrupted Alice. When she opened her eyes she found herself in a forest.

"Now what's happening?"

After a cursory examination of her location Alice found a path. Upon following it she came to a curious fenced off area. There were strange sounds coming from within.

"A very merry unbirthday!"

"Here here! Very merry unbirthday to all!"

"very… merry… all"

"It would seem that our friend is despondent of late"

"I thought it was because he's lonely"

Alice peeked over the fence I time to see a large rabbit crack a teapot over an equally large mouse's head like an egg. The rabbit dumped out the contents of the teapot in a cup and placed it in front of the third person present; a handsome young man in an enormous hat.

"Hatter, have some tea"

"I don't feel like having any"

"When what can we do to make you feel better?"

The rabbit threw out the tea and started eating the cup. Alice gave off a surprised gasp at the action. All eye turned to her.

"Who's there?"

"Would you like some tea?"

Flustered Alice backpedaled away from the fence only to run into the man in the hat. He had a disarming smile.

"Please, won't you join us?"

"W-well if you insist"

"Excellent. Now we must do introductions"

The man led Alice through the gate. He motioned to the rabbit.

"I'm known as the March Hare"

"The Dormouse is me"

The mouse waved. The man stepped in front of Alice.

"I am called the Mad Hatter. Pleased to meet you fair lady"

The Hatter took one of Alice's hands in his and kissed it. Alice blushed prettily.

"Alice name is ah! I mean my name is Alice"

"Such a pretty name for a pretty girl"

Alice giggled as the Hatter led her to a seat. The Dormouse poured her a cup of tea as the March Hare offered her a plate of scones. Unseen by the merry little group a white figure stole off into the background. In an ominous hall the Red Queen sat on her throne. The White Rabbit timidly entered.

"Speak! What have you to report?"

"W-well y-you s-see a-at the-the Ha-hatter's t-tea party"

"Out with it! What of my Hatter?"

"Th-that is I he ah he has a fe-female g-guest"

"What!? Why did you not say so sooner? Guards! Go and bring that girl to me!"

A platoon of Cards snap to attention.

"At once majesty!"

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omiai – official meeting between a man and a woman and their parents to suggest a marriage


	9. Chapter 9

The March Hare and the Dormouse sat back and watched as the Mad Hatter and Alice conversed together.

"It seems our friend has found what he was looking for"

"It does, yes"

Alice giggled at a joke told by the Mad Hatter as the Dormouse spotted a group of cards approaching their garden. He told the March Hare and the two of them turned to listen to them.

"Remember our orders. We are to capture the girl and bring her before the queen. All hail the Red Queen!"

The troop let off a resounding shout and made for the gate. The two friends quickly interrupt the Mad Hatter and Alice and tell them about the cards. The Mad Hatter turned to his guest.

"Quickly Alice, you must go"

"Go? But I don't know my way around here. Where do I go?"

"Take that road until you come to the Mock Turtle's place. We will meet you there"

"But Hatter why would you need to do that? I don't understand-"

Alice's words were lost as the Mad Hatter and his two friends hurried off to confront the cards. With nothing left to do the young girl ran down the path, hoping that her new found friends were not in any danger. Alice soon found herself it a strange little cove, half surrounded by a sheer cliff.

"What a curious place. I wonder if this is where the Hatter told me to go"

"It wouldn't surprise me. Nothing over surprises me anymore"

"OH! I didn't see you. I am sorry I- I'm intruding"

"Oh woe is me; everyone pushing their problems on my shell and never taking a moment to know mine own circumstances"

"If it is not too much trouble I could listen; I may not be able to do much about it but-"

"That is always the way; they say such pretty words but in the end it is all nothing but words. No one truly cares for the poor, poor waif that I am"

Alice sighed. The Mock Turtle seemed to prefer rambling about the tragedy of his life than to talk to her. She even saw him pull out an eye dropper to make fake tears for another soliloquy. Then something caught her eye; a map had been hung on the cliff wall.

"Ah! This shows how to get from here to the Hatter's secret under forest tea house! Wait, what does under forest mean? Perhaps it is another riddle; he is quite fond of them"

A closer study of the map showed that the path was obscured by riddles in some places, the self same riddles that the Hatter and his friends were fond of telling. When Alice spoke the answers the hidden portions of the map became visible to her.

"Then off I go. I do sincerely hope that the Hatter is alright"

In a deeper, darker corner of Wonderland a monstrous form shifted. Two great and terrible eyes glowed brightly in the gloom.

"It is time for your return, oh great wurm. The Red Queen has use for you"

Alice came to a curious spot in the woods. The most curious part was the 10/6 card strung up between two trees.

"Well I guess this is where I am supposed to meet-"

A crash heralded the arrival of twins.

"Hey! These trees are flat! And only painted on one side!"

"That's not right! We're supposed to be in a place where the trees are round!"

Alice er Ichigo shuffled subtly over to the narrator.

"This wasn't part of the play was it?"

"No… they don't look like students from our school"

"So what do we do?"

"Um… play through?"

"Are you crazy?"

The male twin suddenly pointed out to the crowd.

"Nevermind where we are! Our goal is the same! Humans! Hear me and tremble!"

"NO fair! I wanna do the threat speech!"

"You can't! You're the baby!"

"I'm not the baby! You are! You still sleep with a teddy bear!"

"This from someone who still sucks her thumb!"

"You big dummy! I'll get you!"

A powerful blast shears a hole in the auditorium wall. The crowd panics and begins to flee. With a flash of light Mew Ichigo, Mew Minto and the Blue Knight appear.

"Hold it you two! Where do you get off attacking a school play? Who are you?"

"We are Ssabmud and Ednolbbmud; the brother sister duo that will conquer the world!"

"Stop saying your name first!"

"I'm older so I go first!"

Mew Minto sighed.

"They must be related to those other invaders you and Mew Retasu told us about"

"Let's just get them to leave already. Hey how'd you get here so fast?"

"I came to see your play of course"

Ednolbbmud stamped in frustration.

"Stop ignoring me!"

The pretty alien began throwing a tantrum; errant power blasts smashing into the walls.

"Minto! Hit her already!"

"Ribbon Minto Arrow!"

The attack knocks the ditzy alien off her feet. Her brother leaps up.

"Nobody does that to my sister! Only I can!"

"Hey!"

"So eat this!"

Raising his arms above his head Ssabmud is met with Mew Ichigo's foot. Mew Minto launches another blast at him as Ednolbbmud stands up. She then spied The Blue Knight.

"OOO! What a hunky guy!"

"Lay off! He's mine!"

"As if any man could ignore beauty like mine!"

"Ribbon Strawberry Check!"

After dodging the attack Ednolbbmud closed the distance with Mew Ichigo. The alien ended up in a real catfight; one she was losing badly. Ssabmud tried to go and aid his sister but the Blue Knight stepped in his way.

"Your battle is with me"

"Fine longhair. I'll smash ugly all over you!"

Mew Minto Watched as the Blue Knight kick his opponent into the stage.

"Feeling a bit left out?"

"Ah! Toshiro! Don't do that"

"Couldn't help it"

"Be that as it may why haven't you given us a hand?"

"To be perfectly honest you didn't need it. And it's not as if you are actively fighting right now anyway"

"True. They do seem to have the battle in hand"

Back in the fray Ssabmud and Ednolbbmud were thrown together.

"Owie! That hurt!"

"Dammit they're too much for now. But we'll be back! You better remember this!"

The twins disappear in a flash of light. The heroes convene to discuss their latest meeting with their new foe.

"This is the third time these guys have shown up. And they keep running away"

"Ichigo, do you think Ryou might have some idea where they always run off to? He did detect an anomaly the other day"

"He might Minto. But-"

Toshiro loudly cleared his throat.

"You realize that the crowds are beginning to come back inside, right?"

Ichigo's tail straitened in surprise.

"Crap he's right! We need to make our way back to the rest of the class!"

A quick costume change later Ichigo and Masaya were discovered by their fellow theater peoples. As with the rest of the bunkasai the play was canceled and everybody went home.


End file.
